i took too many things, way too many things, for granted.
held a self-centred world view, gave conditionally, claimed rights that should never have been mine.
i asked, almost every saturday evening, "change me".
now i know why i am made to bear this anomalous circumstance.
partially only, because i know it is not done yet.
what i know for sure is i will look back and say that God's plans have always been to prosper, and not to harm.
did you know you could verbally trample someone to death?
but the answer to one does not grant rest.
yet another question begs resolution.
well i want to see my kids grow old.
and always have Your hand to hold.
oh i was made, made for more.
truly the school of hard knocks.
more than this whole world can offer
more than all that time destroys
and all i've wanted here cant satisfy my wanting
cause i was made, made for more.
perfection at 1:04 AM
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Sunday, March 13, 2011
something is different.
this artificial equilibrium. a solid, steady balance that no longer tips to the extremes. no, in fact, it hardly tips at all. it is not affected by the heaviest melancholy nor by the most uplifting beatitude. it remains a solitary unit of survival, thoughts and emotions wavered by no other. this artificial equilibrium i call adaptive functioning. i used to think this was the best way everyone should live their life. independent and invincible. no one could touch you, none could hurt you. but you become cold, detached, emotionless, even cruel; nothing is real or lasting anymore. the 'ability' to empathize is but a knowing, rather than an understanding. i abandoned it sixteen months ago. but it seems like a good thing to return to now.
be silent. put it back in the bag. its way out there.
something is different. success, i now function like you.
i can feel it coming in the air tonight well the hurt doesnt show but the pain still grows its no stranger to you and me.
perfection at 2:20 PM
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Thursday, March 03, 2011
"i'm the closest to superhuman you're gonna get".
the way that we dance, the reason we dream that big italian tower, well, how does it lean something so strong shouldnt make me this weak oh, nothin' 'bout love makes sense.
dang, i really miss making music.
making all the plans in the world. attempting to finish but feeling the sinking sensation knowing there's no way the agenda is going to be completed. ultimately, the final say is with Him. all things are made possible. He made a way.
no more strength for resistance of any sort.
sometimes, a shattering has to come before understanding can be sought. because too often, we get caught up in our own worlds, our own minds, that we forget others cannot see through our heads. the assumptions, the pre-conceived notions, the expectations. sure, it makes for efficiency if these intangibles are shared. but when they clash, conflicts arise and misunderstandings are birthed. the subsequent feelings of not being understood serve to exacerbate, giving no reason to compromise at your cost. there has to come a breaking point, where the realization and awareness of this phenomenon sets in. that it is not truly a zero-sum game but one of consensus. then, resolution is not too far off in the distance.
nothin' 'bout love is less than confusing you can win when you're losing stand when you're falling, i cant figure it out nothin' ' bout love can make an equation nothin' short of amazin' wish i could explain it but i dont know how.
perfection at 1:12 AM
theJOURNEY.
theTUNES.
what sing you.
theMUSICIAN.
dania
st nicks
anderson
nus
trinity christian centre
